#DearAuntAgony - I feel awkward at online dating, help me introduce myself! - Alex

Dear Alex,

Aaaaah… I love this question! You know why? Well I spend a significant amount of time scrolling through a significant amount of messages online everyday and all these messages leave me thinking ‘Oh my God, help them, it's 2019 and they are still not literate in online etiquette!’

The messages I am talking about are mostly sex-related, you know your Aunt Agony, but what I am about to share with you is actually applicable in any other context, think ‘job hunting’ etc. So let’s make the world a better place with this online communication 101, starting with you Alex. If you think about it, nicely written introductions would be better for everybody’s sanity. 

Oh and before I start, the beauty of this is that you can actually share these tips to the sender if you have to deal with any awkward, rude, inappropriate intro online.


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Show yourself

I am sorry but I really don’t care if you have this extra special public career or if your mum is the Queen. You see their face, you show yours. It’s all about making the person you are talking about feel like you are at the same vulnerability level. 

If you don’t want to put on a profile picture, send a nice portrait of yourself with your introduction. I said a portrait (no torso/dick, yet).


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Be well mannered

The difference between us and animals? Yes, there you go… Even being here for sex doesn’t mean you should strip off all your manners already. Think social lube, be nice as you were told growing up. Address the person by their name, introduce yourself, say something nice and wish them a good day.

Here are the basics: ‘Hello [insert their name], I am [insert your name]. I hope this message finds you well […] Have a good day!’


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Make it count

You don’t want to spam here so send one message and make it count. How? Giving enough information for the person you are addressing to know who you are, where you found their details and why you are messaging them. 

Your message could become: ‘Hello [insert their name], I am [insert your name]. I hope this message finds you well. I have found your details on [insert location] and I’d love to [insert what you want]. Have a good day!’


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Call for an answer

You want an answer right? Send the kind of message above, it’s good but the person may read it and forget about it. You need to ask a simple and clear question to trigger an immediate answer and start the conversation.

Something like: ‘Hello [insert their name], I am [insert your name]. I hope this message finds you well. I have found your details on [insert location] and I’d love to [insert what you want]. What about you? Have a good day!’


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Make it personal

This is not necessarily something you should think about in the end… If you can, make it personal, say something tailor-made for the person you are writing to. Apps are good when they connect us to each other but they become ridiculous when they transform dating into some finely processed activity Ford would be proud of. It’s OK to have a master you copy and paste but add something hand-made, icing on the cake anyone?

With the above message: ‘Hello [insert their name], I am [insert your name]. I hope this message finds you well. I have found your details on [insert location]. [Insert something you like about the person]. I’d love to [insert what you want]. What about you? Have a good day!’


Let’s put this in practice, let’s say you bumped into our dear Sophie on Instagram and liked her profile because… Well for obvious reasons Alex! Yeah… She’s definitely on my top 3 list of the humans I’d like to fuck but unfortunately the poor babe is so busy working her ass out it’s kinda difficult to work that magic! What was I saying?! Sorry Alex, speaking about Sophie always have me digress… Let’s say you liked this cool pic taken in Venice next to the Hungarian Pavilion at the Biennale. You message her because you want to join LVRSNFRNDS. There is a message I am sure she’d love to read and would be happy to answer to!

Hello Sophie, I am Alex. I hope this message finds you well. I bumped into your Instagram profile and quite like your pictures! Hope you enjoyed Venice! Seemed like you did :) Also, I’d love to join LVRSNFRNDS! What’s the process? Have a good day!’

Easy, right?!

Dealing with Rejection

We’ve talked about consent right? I guess you find it complicated, it’s normal. Consent is complicated. One thing that could make it less complicated though is to foster an environment where people feel free to say no and for that you need to accept to hear no. Even being on a hookup site doesn’t mean you are up for anything, with anyone at anytime. Be nice!

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OMG Alex! Time is running out! What are you still doing here! Go introduce yourself to that cool human out there!

I hope I helped. Keep me posted!

Yours friendly

With love

Aunt Agony xx

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