Culture

You talk about an 'ethical approach to relationships' – what do you mean?

Our belief is that an ethical relationship is one where all parties communicate openly and honestly with each other, where informed consent is practiced at all times with understanding that consent is dynamic and can be withdrawn at any time without reason. What else goes into having an ethical approach to relationships? Well, that’s the perfect thing to discuss at one of our events or on our online forum!

Oh, so like ethical non-monogamy? Right?

Oui ! To put the 'ethical' into ethical non-monogamy, all people involved must have knowledge and consent of what is happening. Take it as a general rule that we encourage everyone to have an ethical approach to all their relationships, whether they have one partner, multiple partners or none; whether their relationships are sexual, romantic and/or platonic. Oh and we like to follow this also in our professional relationships, try it!

Do I have to be non-monogamous to join?

Non ! We value diversity and believe that relationships exist on a spectrum. What's monogamous to you may not be what it is for this other person. But you can definitely learn from each other! Also, we're not a dating platform, as our name suggests, our community is a space to meet both lovers AND friends. Our members have commented that being part of LVRSNFRNDS is a great way to make friends as an adult – which isn’t easy!

What if I become monogamous after joining?

That should not be a problem! Relationships exist on a spectrum. LVRSNFRNDS values diversity. Whatever your relationship style, you're welcome with us. Many members have found their membership especially valuable to navigate radical relationship shifts as they felt the need for a judgement-free space where they can be themselves and discuss topics that may be difficult to bring up in the outside world.

LVRSNFRNDS is described as sex-positive – what is it?

Sex-positivity is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation. We like to go one step further describing LVRSNFRNDS as sex-positive but not sex-focused, which happily differentiates us from that sleazy sex-club enforcing normative sexual activities and that sex-positive party where you find it complicated to 'just' talk.

Does LVRSNFRNDS provide queer spaces?

We are a queer space where everyone is welcome and we believe this to complement nicely the much needed exclusive queer spaces. At LVRSNFRNDS, you can expect to meet people from across the spectrum of gender identities and sexual orientations and for your own to be respected. Queerness is a major inspiration to us when it comes to challenging society's notions of gender and sexuality, breaking from toxic masculinity, heteronormativity and couplenormativity to create inclusive spaces. We believe firmly that non-queer people can learn from queer people and we love to facilite this! These interactions can only change the world for the better.

How do you make sure I won’t get fetishised?

We understand that the line between what does and does not constitute fetishisation can be blurry but one thing we are definitely certain of is that fetishisation has to be consensual. To protect you from being fetishised against your will, we have integrated this notion in our member selection process: our new member form includes a question related to racial and cultural dynamics. Fetishisation will be explained in more details in our upcoming onboarding process. Finally, fetishisation without consent is against our community guidelines. If you have been a victim or witness of fetishising behaviour that you are not comfortable with, we encourage you to report it here.

Why are there no discounted memberships for women or couples?

We believe that everyone should pay the same price regardless of their gender identity, sexual orientation or relationship status. Unlike other organisations in our space, we do not believe in using female participation as a means to excite interest, believe that single men are a burden or give special treatment to people who are in relationships.

I love what you do! How can I get involved?

The best way for you to help LVRSNFRNDS is to tell your own lovers and friends about us. Our current marketing budget is zilch, so we rely on organic growth to continue to expand our range of member benefits. We are always looking for collaborators or people who can help spread the word about our mission! If you are interested in what we do, please get in touch with Sophie!

Pourquoi il n’y a pas de version francophone du site ?

Salut toi ! Bien que LVRSNFRNDS ait été fondé par une personne francophone, la communauté se veut internationale et l'anglais lingua franca. Cela permet de nous assurer que les membres peuvent communiquer les un·e·s avec les autres. L'accent français est assez bankable à l'international et puis c'est quand même plus fun que les cours d'anglais de Madame Poirier en 4ème. Allez lance-toi !

Members

How old are members?

The average age of LVRSNFRNDS members is between 25-40, though membership includes adults of all ages over 21. Younger members are expected to possess maturity and older members humility. We believe that gathering members from different generations is a plus.

Is there a diverse mix of people?

We curate our community to represent a variety of experiences and intersections. Expect to meet a diverse group of people from around the world who value diversity, inclusivity, curiosity and empowerment. These are our cultural cornerstones.

What if I need more than shared values to feel attracted?

Interesting question but we are not a dating platform. We're about making friends just as much as meeting lovers and conversation focused. Physical attraction is not a prerequisite for having fun, enlightening, meaningful connections with other members.

Can I see pictures? What are the chances to get laid?

If you really want us to answer these questions, please don’t apply. You clearly don’t get the vibe and what we are trying to achieve with LVRSNFRNDS. Google is your friend to identify the hook up app that should do wonder for you.

Conversations

Where are your most active local communities?

Before the 'Rona, our monthly IRL events helped develop local communities in London and Paris. Our online shift has attracted people from many cities. Whether or not there is a local community near you, join us to make the most of our curated online conversations and community forum.

How can I help develop a local community in my city!

The best way is to tell your own local lovers and friends about us. You can also get in touch with Samy to share some tips and knowledge you have of what's happening locally: any person or organisation we could partner with to raise awareness about LVRSNFRNDS is always a good start.

What are these IRL events you're talking about?

In the world of yesterday, we'd host events across stylish, safe spaces. Members could expect around 40 people with a vibe similar to a friends’ get-together with our host helping them connect with each other. These will be re-introduced in big enough local communities once it's safe.

Tell me more about the conversations! What can I expect?

Conversations are inspired by our diverse group of members and their needs. At time of writing we have a weekly group conversation based on a question asked by a member, a bimonthly conversation alternating group and intimate times with prompts and a weekly conversation in the form of a book/film club with a special guest.

I’m worried that I’m too shy for joining group conversations.

Walking into an online room full of strangers is intimidating but we do everything we can to ease you into the conversation in a way that feels relaxed and natural. We run intro sessions and there is no pressure to actively take part, we value someone joining just to listen as much as an active speaker. Also we like to facilitate in a way that is welcoming to shy people.

Can I meet members before joining a conversation?

Although we are big fans of the magic of 'meeting someone for the first time without judging them from their profile picture or online bio', you can get to know the community in our online forum first. Once you have joined a conversation, we offer a mailbox service where you can ask to be put in touch with someone you met if you forgot to ask for their number.

Commitment

What is 'a zero-tolerance policy against exclusionary or predatory behaviour?'

We do not give second chances to anyone who act this way. Our default stance is 'believe all victims'. Predatory behaviour includes: acting in a dishonest, controlling or manipulative way towards others; pursuing them after they expressed that they are not interested; coercing others into actions they are not comfortable with. Exclusionary behaviour is any act that makes another person feel unwelcome or unsafe due to their gender, sexuality, race, relationship status, appearance and so on.

A member of LVRSNFRNDS made me feel uncomfortable, what do I do?

If any member of LVRSNFRNDS makes you feel uncomfortable you can click here to report them at any time. Members also have access to the LVRSNFRNDS WhatsApp if they want to message or call us to discuss the behaviour of another member. All reports are taken seriously, discussed with all parties and we will not hesitate to revoke memberships to keep our community safe and friendly.

Perhaps I’m being oversensitive, everyone else think they’re nice.

There is no hierarchy within our community. No matter how well-liked or respected you may think another member or members may be, do not hesitate to report problematic behaviour. We will make sure your anonymity is protected. Our stance is that the feelings of our members are always valid. What might seem minor to you may be part of a larger pattern of behaviour that has affected many members, so please never hold back.

Do I have to be a member of LVRSNFRNDS to report one?

Non. If you know a member of our community has behaved in a way that does not align with our values, please let us know here so we can take action before they cause further harm.

Membership

Why is there a selection process in the first place?

Our selection process is in place so that the people who join LVRSNFRNDS are those who have expressed that they share our values and understand what this community is and is not for. It also ensures that every new member has been informed of our community guidelines and what is expected of them, so that there is no room for confusion should they ever need to be reminded of the rules or have their membership revoked. Protecting the diversity and wellbeing of our members is our first priority, which wouldn’t be possible if anyone could simply wander in off the street or the world wild web.

What is the selection process for new members?

If you want to join LVRSNFRNDS, the first step is to sign up with your email address and attend a group video call. This group video call is with Sophie, our founder, and other applicants. You will get to know more about us, introduce yourself and discuss your views on relationships and ask questions. After this call, you will be invited to fill the new member application form. This form will ask you questions covering your approach to relationships, why you want to join LVRSNFRNDS and some scenarios to test whether you share our core values. Pass this stage and we will welcome you to LVRSNFRNDS!

What is the purpose of the group video call?

The call is your chance to ask Sophie, our founder, any questions and her chance to make sure that you belong here. It lasts around 30 minutes. It is important that you consider it an opportunity to find out if LVRSNFRNDS is right for you. We’re not for everyone, and that’s ok!

How long does it take to become a member?

The total process from sign up to member status should take less than a day but may be longer depending on the size of our waiting list.

How much does it cost to join LVRSNFRNDS?

Membership is €15/month with a  €10 setup fee. If you are on benefits, a €5/month concession membership exists.

How can I get a concessionary rate?

You need to provide a job seeking or benefits enrolment document received over the last 90 days. Concession rate needs to be updated every 3 months.

What does membership include?

Membership gives you access to our conversations and online forum.

Can I bring a friend?

Yes, a lover too! But our conversations are members only so we encourage you to invite your friend to become a member. Tell them what you like about us, shouldn't be complicated to convince them and follow your steps.

I applied and haven’t heard from you?

Whether or not your application is successful, you are guaranteed to receive a response. If you haven’t, please check your spam folder in case the email was incorrectly flagged.

What do you do with my data?

Your data is never shared or sold with third parties and is only ever used collectively and anonymously to share statistics about our membership with current or potential collaborators/partners.

You’ve convinced me! How can I join?

Great news! Leave your email address below and we will be in touch to guide you through our selection process. We are looking forward to hearing from you!

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